What I want is to write like this.

Want
by George Gunn

What I want from you is the long open road
and the dying swan of freedom

No small hour talk that I'll forget
In the late morning when work begins.

What I want from you is the colour
of the sky in late July

when Summer yawns and is tired
and the nights warm with hope.

What I want from you is to be bright
In the sad black days of no Sun

What I want from you is not much
What I want from you is the secret smile

reserved for lovers when the world
shivers under its power.

Sing the aria for me.

I do not know what to do with all this pain under my skin.
It bled through like tears, like snot, like blood,
but it doesn’t die down.

I want to know what it’s like sitting quietly under the shade of a tree.
I have forgotten what it’s like to smell the rain,
what it’s like to touch the grass.

I want to know why there’s such a ruckus in my head,
why it doesn’t die down,
why I’m so lonely.

My loneliness is such that I cannot feel you
even when you’re grasping my hand in yours
and touching my skin with your lips.
My loneliness is such that I desperately claw for you.

I do not know what to do with all these strange dreams,
excess feelings,
alien existence,
clamour,
chaos,
hate,
pain,
love,
pain,
sob,
pain,
pain,
pain.
Like Ophelia, I am possessed.

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Something in my heart is unsettled. I cannot explain it by words or tranquilize it by sleep or soothe it with music. Like cannon, it keeps on hitting and breaking the walls. Keep on invading the space of my peace and quiet.

Be still, my heart. Why do you keep on shouting and screaming and yelling things that I could not understand?

There is something in my heart that is akin to a small scale panic and chaos; the kind that would disturb the surface of the water without splashing any, but enough to make the whole lake ripples.

Let sleep take over, my eyes. Why do you keep on fighting for light?

Sometimes there is smoke, there is love, there is tears. Most times, there is confusion. I just need to be dissected. Someone to tell me what is wrong with me. Myself to understand what has been displaced somewhere deep inside the crevices of my heart. So much love and pain traipsing aimlessly in my veins. I do not need this gift of emotions.

Let there be rocks and immovable mountains. Reverse to seven years ago. Reverse to when this heart was encased in stone.

Let there be peace and quiet. Cover me in darkness, hide me from light.